This is me, whoever that is.

20.loser. tv watcher.

This paper is due tomorrow by 11:00 pm. Why am I on tumblr?

Ugh, the stepdad says he’s not going to work tomorrow. I think we’re going to lose the house. I don’t want to be homeless.

Why can’t I just die? All I do is make things worse, everyone would be better off without me (maybe no one will even notice I’m gone). A high school friend of mine was recently hospitalized for depression and she posted on tumblr that if she died only about 20 people would miss her/be sad. 20 people. That’s a shit load of people, dude, why are you complaining that no one cares for you? I don’t think anyone would miss me, not even my mom (the emotion she’ll feel most is anger towards me for being weak). Speaking of the mother, she is currently arguing with the stepdad. She’s probably going to blame me because I asked if she was going to fight with him so I could go to my room. She got pissed and said “I wasn’t even thinking that!” Bitch, please. You guys always fight. Then I whispered to myself “I wish I would die already” and she got pissed, “How many times have I told you not to say that! Now, if you had a mother like mine, then I would understand why you feel that way!”

Depression blows. Don’t you think that if I had more control over this shit, I would be happy and living as fucking far away from you as possible? Fuck. Just because you don’t understand my depression doesn’t mean I’m weak. Yeah, nonexistent followers, my mother equates depression with weakness. This coming from the woman who’s tried to overdose on pills more than once.

This is going to be my main tumblr from now on. I can vent here without attracting any attention because I have 0 followers. I don’t want followers. I don’t tag my posts for this reason. If I follow you, please don’t follow me back.

I’m Sad

I’m sad and I can’t really explain why. Actually, I can. Life sucks and it will always suck because I was born into a working class family and made the wrong choice in attending a public university instead of that nice private college I could’ve gone to. I wake up every day wondering if this is the day I’ll finally kill myself or just runaway. I am doing poorly in school but my family seems to think I have it all together academically, at least. I’m just worried about life and school and family and money and dying from a slow, painful, incurable form of cancer. I think I’m just lazy.